Miracle at St. Anna

Spike Lee seen begging Denzel Washington to be in his crappy movie. Denzel laughs in Spike's face and reminds him he does GOOD movies.

Oh man, this movie sucked. This was obviously Spike's big-screen tribute to the NY Knicks. He really wanted to capture the "suck" aspect.

The story sucked. The cinematography sucked. The 160 minutes it took sucked. Complete waste of my time and anyone who is thinking of seeing it.

Spike needs to stay away from this genre. Spike also needs to take a dose of his own medicine. The stereotypes he creates in this awful movie are the same he complains about all the time. He also stepped on the toes of WWII Italian partisans.He also needs to get an actual screenwriter, not the egotistical author.

I am going to give it 1 Goober.

The 'miracle' was that I sat through the entire movie.

Burn After Reading

Burn After Reading was good. The Coen Bros. have created such masterpieces in their career that each movie they make will be held to a higher standard. That is why this movie is only good. Hell, if Michael Bay directed this movie I would have given it 10 Goobers...but I am not sure how he would have snuck in an explosion or two.

Clooney copied himself from Intolerable Cruelty...but since no one saw that movie it will seem like a fresh, unique character. Clooney wins again! Ah!

I love J.K. Simmons. He is hilarious.

Overall, you should see this movie. Why not? I will give it Six Goobers.

I would just like to point out that the Coens can do comedy better than most...and they can do drama better than anyone. They are a rare breed in Hollywood.

Transsiberian

I was too lazy to MS Paint in some explosions.

If Michael Bay got his inartistic hands on 'Transsiberian', the title would have been changed to 'Train of DEATH! Explode!' and he would have added quite a bit of C4 charges and a dash of Nick Cage.

Fortunately, that didn't happen.

I forgot what my Goobers rating scale was, but I give this movie: 6.5 Goobers (out of ten)


The film is directed by Brad Anderson and stars Woodrow Harrelson, Emily Mortimer, Kate Mara and Sir Ben Kingsley. It also runs a little long at 111 minutes.

The movie is basically a murder mystery/suspense thriller. Similar to writer/director Anderson's previous full-length suspense flick El Maquinista (featuring Christian 'bag of bones' Bale). In 'Transsiberian', Anderson moves away from copying Alfred Hitchcock and places his own personal touch on this film. While Anderson has done other genres, such as comedy, this will likely be his forte with future projects.

The acting was solid. Woodrow plays the lovable/naive/idiot/religious/friendly husband role with a pathetic admiration for trains. Mortimer plays the 'wild child converted into boring wife because she was nervous of dying from overdose or some sexually transmitted disease.' Instead of building up this sorted past through subtle dialouge, Anderson throws it in the viewer's face with shots of a 'tramp stamp', defiant smoking and other blatant symbols that shouts out to the audience, "I used to be cool, until I met Woodrow." Mortimer also goes to GREAT LENGTHS to preserve a web of lies. Which makes me really hate her character.

Kate Mara provides for pleasant scenery, not much else...except for one alarming scene towards the end that reminds me of the deli at the Italian Store.

Ben Kingsley is great, he does not have the ability to be anything else.

The movie moves from the 'this could happen to you' genre to borderline preposterous, even for Vladimir Putin's Russia.

This movie will fly under the radar of most major cinemas. I definitely recommend seeing it, however you may want to wait for either a matinée or the DVD release.



TRAILER

A Very JERSEY Labor Day!

What can I say about New Jersey that hasn’t already been said about Hell? The drive up to NJ from Arlington is estimated on Google Maps to take about 3 hrs and 45 mins. My land speed record came about back in June when I made the trip in 3 hours flat. But, this is Labor Day Weekend! Which means anyone who has a car decides to place it on I-95.

The drive took over 4 and a half. Thanks in much part to State governments that have continued to use the same toll system that was in place when the concept of roads was first developed. The worst part of the trip came at the Delaware Memorial Bridge. After considering Delaware’s size and total insignificance, the government decided to create the country’s best bottleneck. How can Joe Biden be the Vice-President if that backyard of a state he represents cannot be traversed within 15 minutes? This may be the issue that decides the election for me.

We arrived Friday night and relaxed by watching Predator on cable. A little trivia here, Predator may be the only movie that features two former Governors (Arnold and “the Body”). If this anomaly has occurred before, then it is definitely the only Sci-Fi, Invisible, Thermal Seeing, Dreadlocked Alien flick that features two former Governors.

On Saturday, we had plans to drink and go to Atlantic City. The weather held up and it turned out to be a great day. The day consisted of: drinking, Scrabble, bacon cheeseburger, Battleship, cheating, contemplation of Beer Ball, drinking, napping, Atlantic City, Cash for Gold, Bally’s, Johnny Rocket’s, Beach Bar, Gambling, Lori wins more $, Jersey Rats, Drinking, Sleeping. All in all, a good day.

Sunday was beach day. On a related note, we found out that morning that the Ocean City beach was one of 7 lucky beaches that closed due to MEDICAL WASTE! In the world of NJ Beaches, this is a most prestigious honor. Tiny beaches on ponds in the middle of NJ dream of growing up one day to be covered in syringes, diapers, loud Jersey girls and Juice Heads.

The waste warning was dropped Sunday and we headed to the beach. We need to smuggle rum onto the beach because Ocean City is a dry town. While this seems crappy, it is actually a blessing in disguise. No alcohol = No Jersey Girls and Guidos…which makes for a great day at the beach. In Ocean City, people don’t have “blow-outs” or tribal tattoos. These people actually HAVE chest hair and sunglasses that block sunlight. Amazing. This dry town plays a major part in my positive experiences in New Jersey.

The water was a perfect temperature and the waves were big. With the exception of cringing each time something grazed my feet, the ocean was great. The way I see it, the medical waste just gives the NJ beaches character.

As much as I like to think of Jersey as the armpit of the East coast, I have to admit it holds a special, medically wasteful spot in my heart.